The Gypsy Tea Room's Amps Go to 11

I never made it to the Ted Nugent concert in Fort Worth, thanks to the underwhelming support of my "friends," but my man Colin and I had the foresight to buy tickets to a Jurassic 5 concert recently, and so, on July 31, I experienced (for the first time) a rap show that didn't feature Grits as the headliner. Now that my hearing is back to about 90%, I thought I'd provide a sort of review.

So, going to the J5 show...Wow, I'm a white guy going to a rap show! Aren't I unique? My counter-racial taste in music amuses me. Who but myself and Colin would pay money to see a concert of traditionally black music? I wonder if there will be any other white people there? Maybe a few. Well, probably more than a couple, since J5 is not exactly a crunk group, but leans toward organic-sounding beats and old-school rhymes. Man, there will probably be more whites than the ideal, which is zero, but should still be a good time.

Uh-oh, there are a lot of white people in this line. My goodness! Is this how the show's going to be? I wanted to get away from these people. Well, maybe things will improve inside. Yes, I'm sure that all the African-Americans are just inside enjoying the air conditioning.

Hmm...there are a lotta honkies up in this Tea Room. What's the deal? I guess more whiteys than I thought like J5. Well, it's kinda dark in here, and I can't see the whole room. Maybe all us crackers are culturally inclined to stand around near the stage while waiting for a show to start.

Hello, X-Clan. Since all opening acts suck, I'll stand here politely and endure your show. You can't be any good, so don't expect any enthusiasm from me. Well...that is a nice bass line, I guess. Ya know, now that I think about it, I think I kinda dig this beat...could X-Clan be a good opening act? Ah, I see you've put your friend on the payroll, and his job is to wave an African flag on stage and dance around while you rap. I'd like to think I'd pay one of my untalented friends to do something on stage if I ever made it big. Who am I kidding, I just hope one of my talented friends pays me to do something easy when they're famous. Sure, I'll get my hand up. I remember Aaron Mueller doing this right-hand-wave-to-the-beat thing at a dcTalk concert years ago. I guess it was a phenomenon. Boy, he sure was way more in tune with urban culture than I was in high school. I'm jealous. Oh well, I'm waving my hand now. What? Did X-Clan's Grand Verbalizer just diss the "Laffy Taffy" song? Yes! I'm a fan! I'm a fan! Good times, now!

Oh, shoot, I failed to wave my hands in the air. Grand Verbalizer asked for it, but I hesitated. That was probably the one and only opportunity I will have in this life to throw my hands in the air and wave 'em I like just don't care. Oh, well, maybe another will arise.

Feet hurting...ears already ringing...tired of waiting for J5 to take the stage...

Jurassic 5! I can't believe I'm seeing these guys live! Their voices sound like they do on the album! Oh my gosh!!! Dakir! Marc 7! DJ Numark! Those other guys whose names I can't remember!

Let me look behind me to see what the crowd looks like. Wow, overwhelmingly white. So my taste in rap falls right in line with my race. Dang! But, but, there are some black people here, right? Please? Hey, there's one right behind me. I should say hi, develop some kind of rapport. Concerts bring out the extrovert in me. Wait, wait, I've just thought about talking to a man based on the color of his skin. Does that make me racist, albeit a sort of twisted, reverse racist? I want to say hi so I can feel like I know the only black guy here, and that will somehow make me cool? Uh, just going to stick to looking over a Colin when a witty rhyme or a familiar groove is heard. Yeah. "Got people screamin' 'Free Mumia Jamal!', but two outta three of ya'll will prolly be at the mall!" That's right, Chali 2Na (think: Charlie Tuna), you tell 'em! Rap in that cool bass voice.

Wait, everyone is cheering for Chali. Is he the crowd favorite? Can I have the same favorite member of the group as the rest of these African-wannabe crackas? But I enjoy Mr. 2Na because he's also in Ozo Motley, and for his rhyme patterns and enunciation. But...but...well, I tell you what, white kids, the other members of this group are just as good as Chali, and I'm not going to cheer for him and make the others feel bad.

Oh, here we go bouncing our hands to the beat again. Kinda cool, but I gotta make sure I keep it up there just a little longer than everyone else, to show that I'm really "down" with the music and not just doing it because a member of J5 asked us to do it again for about the 20th time. But this music is really good! And they have great stage presence! And unlike other rap acts I've seen live on TV, these guys don't suck! They rhyme on time. The DJ is talented. They sound good! I just wish they sounded about 100 decibels instead of 125.

Well, that was fun. Back to the car. What's that you say, Colin? Jurassic 5 is the spit? You'll have to speak a little louder until my head decompresses and the tuning fork in my ear stops playing that A. Good times, brother!

What???

No takers on The Nuge? Come on, guys and gals! It's only $12.

Not even you, Chris?

Lessons I Refuse to Learn

#1. It is better to go into credit-card debt, however deep, to get one's car inspected and repaired than it is to let the inspection expire. A constable will eventually find you.

#2. Paying off one's credit card to be "debt-free" is a bad idea. Being "debt-free" is always temporary and only serves to make the next necessary debt more painful.

#3. Man cannot live on bread alone. And in Dallas, even if a man's rent is $400 a month, he cannot live on less than $1000 without either a Visa card or food stamps.

Snakes on a Plane Update

I think there's one man who won't be seeing Snakes on a Plane, because once you've lived it, what's the point? Meet Monty Coles.

Skipping: Not That There's Anything Wrong with That

Matt Linebarger made a good point not too long ago: it's hard to find an album that's wholly listenable. An artist or band might put 10, 12, or even 20 songs on a CD, but rarely can one listen to an entire disc without skipping a track or two, sometimes more. Even U2 has songs that should be skipped, says he, and for a Linebarger, this is a statement akin to "3 John should not be a part of the canon". Anyway, I happen to think there are quite a few CDs out there that are 100% enjoyable.

For starters:

The Gotee Brothers: Erace
The instrumentation on this disc is a feast for the ears--a Southern feast, the kind with fried chicken and grits. In other words it's not exactly haute musique, but it makes you feel good deep down inside. The lyrics are great, too, dismantling racism ("colors don't hate") and celebrating the simple life ("nothing like a fat cup, sweet tea and ice").

Fleming and John: Delusions of Grandeur
Fleming and John's style was like nothing I'd ever heard when it first tickled my ears back in '97, and there's still nothing quite like hearing Fleming's voice soar and swoop over John's eccentric rock backgrounds (he plays all the instruments, alone it would still be something worth hearing).

Johnny Cash: American Recordings
The first of five collaborations between Cash and legendary producer Rick Rubin, the first American Recordings is still the best. There's nothing here but Johnny's guitar and his voice, cracked and weathered, carrying the weight of the world, but still somehow finding enough strength and conviction to carry an album.

There are a plethora of records out there that require no skipping: Radiohead - OK Computer, The Postal Service - Give Up, The Pixies - Surfer Rosa, Rage Against the Machine - The Battle of Los Angeles, Ben Folds - Songs for Silverman, Dave Matthews Band - Crash, and Counting Crows - August and Everything After.

But I think an album can still be great, even if there's just one song you have to skip. One song doesn't diminish these: The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan, Jurassic 5 - Power in Numbers, Brainwash Projects - The Rise and Fall, Soulfood 76 - Original Soundtrack, and Medeski, Martin, and Wood - The Dropper. The Dropper is particularly noteworthy; even though Martin's percussion-only "Illinization" is awful, the rest of the disc is pure improvisational genius. It's like a great puzzle that your mind unlocks after a few listens, and inside is a brand-new, joyful paradigm.

Have I missed anything? (I mean, besides the whole U2 and BeeGees catalogues.)

More after the jump.

Old Man Bites Tenderly

Let's talk about game shows for a minute. I like game shows. Before reality shows became dominant, the game show was a great way to kill half an hour during dinner. But when was the last time we Americans came up with a truly great game show? I mean, we have the Big 3: The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, and Jeopardy, but what have we gotten since those were created? Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and The Weakest Link were imports, were they not? They seemed good at the time, but had no staying power; nobody watches those anymore. Deal or No Deal: you tell me. It's engaging, a little addictive, but can it stand the test of time?

When I think of great new game shows, I look to Japan. First there was Takeshi's Castle (dubbed into English as MXC), and now comes a show (actually a segment of a variety show, another lost form here in America) called Silent Library. Because it takes place in a library, contestants are forced to play (you guessed it) silently. Why can't we have game shows like this in the Land of the Free?



The non-Japanese man is Dutchman Ernesto Hoost, four-time K-1 champion.

Mr. Procrastinator Responds to Your Comments

Friend, did you graciously comment on a previous post, but never received a reply? I'm sorry, I left you hanging. My oops, my bad. Well, hang no more! I went all the way back to the beginning and replied to comments that you left. Some aren't much, but if you want to read 'em here are the links:

Deus Caritas Est, Meet Your Match, You Might Be an Evangelical If..., Photo Tour of the Balkans, Part II, Regarding the Return of the Beard, Walk Like a Cowboy, The Big One, Chef Cooks Others but Can't Take the Heat, I Got Four Words for Ya (Snakes on a Plane)

And now back to the great ongoing soundtrack debate...

This One Is for the Ladies

Girls, why do you buy so many movie soundtracks? I don't get it. In my life, I've only felt the need to buy two (both of them John Williams scores), and I sold one and didn't really enjoy the other. When I buy music, I want to hear a body of work from a creator. Soundtracks (and scores), on the other hand, are compilations (or accompaniment), formats that seem limited by the needs of a movie director. Sometimes they're all over the place, and other times they sound homogenous, and a lot of the time they'll have one or two good songs mingled with a bunch of junk, none of which makes me want to buy them. And I don't think I know any guys that have more than one; most don't own any.

So why do you buy them? Some of you have a handful, but some of you listen to almost nothing but soundtracks (you know who you are). Why is that? I'm genuinely curious. Caity Hannon, you need to post your reply! It's exactly what I'm looking for!

It Just Ain't What It Used to Be

Allow me to drop some personal science on the ongoing music discussion. I went to a concert last night (an increasingly rare occurence for me), and the experience is relatively fresh in my mind.

After standing in line for nearly an hour outside (surrounded by legions of 13-year-old girls), I was treated to another hour of standing inside as Amanda, Stuart, Stephen and I stood as close as we could to the stage in anticipation of The Main Event. My feet started to let me know they weren't having much fun, but I assured them it would be worth it. Presently, the opening band, the Damnwells, emerged to start the show. Their first song featured a thundering bass drum beat with equally bombastic bass line. We all immediately became aware that we were standing right in front of the subwoofers, as our breastbones violently vibrated to the 80hz beat. It was unpleasant. No, it was painful, but in the following songs, as the beat settled down, real pain birthed and grew in my ears, especially the left one, which was so serendipitously positioned to receive the most sound possible from the nearby overhead speakers. The Damnwells weren't bad, but they weren't good, either, and I didn't appreciate their damaging my hearing with their mediocre music. So, I did something I haven't done in 20 years, I moved to the BACK at a rock show.

When my head cleared, I realized I've only ever enjoyed two "opening" or "support" bands (those bands put on the bill ahead of known performers, for purposes of exposure) in my entire concert-going career. The first was the legendary Buddy Guy, who opened for Dave Matthews Band at Soldier Field (before it was converted into a space station). Let me tell you, Buddy has some soul, and it was a blessing to have his acoustic waves wash over me. The second opening band I really enjoyed was an little band the Fray, when they opened for Ben Folds. They were upbeat rock rock that employed a piano as a featured instrument, and I liked their sincere sound with a pop sensibility, so I was very willing to pay $20 to see them again.

Back to the show: last night, the Fray did alright, yep. They played the songs from their album and one cover. Maybe in my younger days, that would constituted a divine experience. Now, it's just not enough. I wanted to hear songs from their little-know EP. I wanted to hear more covers. I wanted new work. I wanted...to feel like I felt back in 1994 at the Audio Adrenaline concert, when the sea of people in front of me was jumping up an down in unison, or how I felt a year later at an outdoor Jars of Clay show, when I was the one jumping and I didn't care if anyone noticed I had no rhythm.

I think those days are gone. I gotta find something else to appreciate in music. I'm starting to find it, I think. Small things, like a catchy little tune, or the simply lyric, "Some times the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." Nothing earth shattering, but then again, was rock ever that big of a deal?


*Listen to the Fray. I like!
*Are you a rockist?

I Got Four Words for Ya

Snakes...On...A...PLANE!



Please note: "Plane" is short for "airplane." This is a preview (or "trailer") for a movie about snakes, and more specifically, about a very unique group of snakes ON A PLANE! (Movies about snakes and airplanes are nothing new. However, no film maker has yet been brave enough to attempt to combine the two genres). Also, Samuel L. Jackson is present, with the snakes, which are on a plane. Recap: Snakes--On a Plane. Say it with me now. Snakes on a Plane. This is gonna be awesome.

Chef Cooks Others but Can't Take the Heat

Isaac Hayes has quit South Park because of the show's "intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs." I wonder if he means the countless times the show has slammed Christianity, Catholicism, Judiasm, Mormonism, and the person of Jesus in its nine years on the air, or if he's referring to their recent diss of Scientology, which he practices. Hayes, aka Chef, says "there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins."

I like what SP co-creator Trey Parker had to say about it: "Past episodes of South Park have skewered Catholics, Jews and Mormons, among others. [We] never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin."



...Or maybe Hayes didn't quit and all the nastiness was published as a part of a Scientologist conspiracy. I hope you at least watched the episode. Stay tuned for my upcoming expose of Masonic handshakes...

The Big One

Well, it looks like it's finally going to happen. Many have been hoping for it and praying for it for years. Some have prayed that it wouldn't. It is a renewed battle over abortion in this country.

The stars began to align not too long ago, with the retirement of two supreme court justices and the appointment of two replacements who seem conservative enough to think about overturning Roe v. Wade. Roe was at the heart of the debate over both candidates, and a particularly bitter battle was fought over the confirmation of Samuel Alito, who once wrote the minority opinion favoring mandatory notification of the father of a potentially aborted fetus.

Wasting no time, the South Dakota House passed a bill that would outlaw nearly all abortions in that state, and its Senate quickly followed. Almost immediately, Mississippi's House passed a similar bill. And on March 6, the governor of South Dakota signed their bill into law.

OK, pro-lifers, where do you/we go from here? Assuming the S. Dakota and Mississippi laws are challenged all the way to the Supremes, and the neo-conservative court overturns Roe, what then? We have to ask ourselves some tough questions.

Most importantly, What's going to happen to all those newborns? Adoption (the loving option)? That will help, but it won't solve the problem. Over one million couples wait to adopt every year in this country, but the number of abortions supercedes by as many as 300,000. And that assumes that every couple that wants to adopt is eligible--financially, ethically--to legally adopt the child. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that all the fathers of those unaborted children rescind their parental rights (as unlikely as that may be)
and that 80% of those couples are eligible; that leaves 500,000 helpless, unwanted human beings brought into the world.

What kinds of situations would these children be forced into? According to the Guttmacher Institute, women "with incomes below 200% of poverty made up 30% of all women of reproductive age, but accounted for 57% of all women having abortions." This poses a problem. If eligible couples adopt without regard for the economic situations of the biological parents, 285,000 children would be born into poverty. How likely are the children to succeed in life if they are born into the slums of Chicago's south side, Oak Cliff, Atlanta, etc? How will they eat? How will they attend school? The welfare system is already overstretched. Perhaps more importantly, how likely are these children of disadvantaged women to be the victims of abuse?

I ask because not only is the government ill prepared to handle the potential influx of economy-draining infants, the right and the Church are completely and utterly unprepared to do anything about the situation. Most conservatives would not support government handouts for these new mothers, and this Republican-controlled congress would therefore most likely kill any bill that would further stretch the Fed's dollar for welfare "handouts." The impetus would then fall on non-profits and churches. How many of them are financially and logistically prepared to undertake a project of such massive proportions, of caring for 300,000 newborns? I submit to you, none, or so few that their impact would be unnoticed. If neither the goverment nor the church can care for these children, what kind of public support will there be for an abortion ban? Surely, these malnourished, uneducated, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused children would have been better off never having been brought into the world to begin with. Which is the greater evil--to end a dead-end life painlessly before it is even cognizant, or to bring it into the world to humiliate, torture, and rob it of its dignity? The good citizens of these United States will not stand for the mass abuse of hundreds of thousands additional innocent children.

Secondly, you/we, the pro-life camp, need to agree on when life really does begin. Does it begin at fertilization, or does it begin at implantation? I ask because there exists an alternative to invasive abortion, one which could solve the abortion debate, that begs an answer. Plan B, or emergency contraception, can be taken within three days of unprotected sex to prevent a pregnancy. It differs from the controversial RU-486 in that it will not work if a woman is already pregnant. Plan B prevents fertilization or implantation, and it is impossible to control which. Bottom line: a zygote will not survive if it is not implanted in the uterus. Do we defend all human cell integration, or do we draw the line at viable embryos, ones that have a chance of surviving, ones that will certainly develop into a unique human life? A delineation of "human life" (that which contains human DNA) and "unique human life" (that which can and will develop into a unique human being) speaks to other issues as well, e.g. stem-cell research and medicine.

The lawmakers in South Dakota thought Plan B had some merit, and included a clause permitting its use in Section 3: "Nothing in section 2 of this Act may be construed to prohibit the sale, use, prescription, or administration of a contraceptive measure, drug or chemical, if it is administered prior to the time when a pregnancy could be determined through conventional medical testing." I quote Slate's William Saletan: "Look at that language carefully. It doesn't just say you can take a contraceptive drug before sex. It says you can take such a drug after sex, as long as it's before conventional tests can detect a pregnancy."

Pro-lifers, now is the time to get your act together. Want to outlaw abortion? Great--come up with a plan to care for the lives that you defend; no mere Modest Proposal will do. We can say life begins at fertilization, implantation, or sometime in the third trimester (as the law currently reads); nobody's going to listen to anything else. If at fertilization, then writing a provision for Plan B is construing, in ever so small a way, a right to murder a select group of human beings: those who are unfortunate enough to be the product of rape. If at implantation, then we need to fight for contraception, including emergency contraception, to be distributed on-demand and at low- or no-cost. We must be prepared not only to fight, but to win, and to sacrifice our tax dollars, charitable contributions, and volunteer hours to deal with the consequences if we do. The majority of Americans believe that abortion is immoral, but even so most believe it should still be legal. Outlawing abortion will be an uphill battle, and a house divided against itself--believing one thing morally and legislating another--cannot stand.

Sources:

Patterns in the Socioeconomic Characteristics of Women Obtaining Abortions in 2000-2001, the Guttmacher Institute.

About.com Abortion Statistics

Take the Fifth, The Road from Roe, Slate

Reuters

Peep This Crunkness Wit' a Quickness

Check out the choppers on Oscar-winner Juicy J, who won Best Original Song for "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp."


Now that's what I call Teef!

Walk Like a Cowboy

I stopped buying blue jeans when I was 16 years old. I was done with them. I didn't need 'em.

Growing up, I had worn many pairs of denim pants. The seed of my disdain for them was planted early on. One of my earliest childhood memories is of shopping for jeans at the 1/2 Price Store. My mom made me try on several pairs. The ones I liked were "too long in the crotch" for Mom's taste, and the ones she liked were unbearably stiff and rough. "They'll break in after I wash them," she promised. Yeah, right. I guess they must have, but over the years, both conceptually and practically, jeans never got any more comfortable.

They never got any more cool-looking, either. As I became more fashion-conscious, I became more and more at-odds with those who provided my jeans. "Stylistic differences" led to my not wearing jeans baggy enough to meet my cool quota. Crotch-length (or "rise" as it is called in the industrty) was always an issue; to this day I'm not sure why. I was stuck with skinny, low-rise jeans when the rest of the civilized world was wearing baggy, comfortable-looking pants. By my 16th birthday, I had rebelled.

I walked away from jeans at that age. The pockets were much too small for my hands and keys. They were always exposing the waistband of my BVDs when I sat. The bottoms of the legs never fit over my shoes--cuffs that rest above one's hightops and not around them is the mark of a true dork, and as a homeschooler, I was already handicapped in the dork department and didn't need any help from stupid pants. And khakis were so much more comfortable! Those were some pants that fit my style (I was going for sport-prep/Asian/skateboarder in high school). I got a lot of questions about why I didn't wear 'em, and, eventually, a lot of crap from the likes of Caitlin O'Hannon and other jeans-enthusiasts, too.

Then one day my then-girlfriend complimented one of my guy friends on some jeans he was wearing. I noticed 'em, too. They did look kinda good, in their own way. This got me thinking, and opened my mind to the Possibility of Jeans. Months later, I found a pair of clearance-rack Gap jeans that fit, were in the "authentic" style (which is really faux-authentic), were "relaxed" fit, not low-rise (in your face, Mom!), and had deep pockets, all for $20. I decided to give 'em a try. I must confess, I liked 'em.

Now I can't stop buying those darn blue pants. I'm on my third pair, and things have really come full-circle. The last ones I bought were low-rise, and the least-baggy trou I've worn in years. I hate to admit it, but they're probably the coolest pants I own. My khakis are becoming obsolete. Why did I wait so long to return to pants that fit well like this? Why did I give 'em up in the first place?

I feel like a cowboy when I walk. John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, ropin'n'ridin', tobacco spit, belt buckles and purdy ladies. I should have boots for this.

You Might Be an Evangelical If...

#10. When you pray, you punctuate all entreaties with as many "justs" as you can, as if to convince the Lord you are not asking too much. "Lord, we just want to thank you." "Lord, we just ask that you watch over Bobby as he heads off to college." Lord, can You really say no to such modest requests as these?

Find out if you are a true Evangelical by reading #s 9-1. Thanks to maxskybarger and Alan for reminding me to read The Wittenburg Door.

Photo Tour of the Balkans, Part II

Today's Magnum slide show is an excellent photo essay of the former Yugoslavia. I loved these photographs. They made a part of the world (and a part of history) that was once abstract to me a little more material. Enjoy.

Firelance, forgive me for hijacking your thread.

Regarding the Return of the Beard

No doubt this beard will be used only for evil, and never for good:











Your mom goes to college.

Valentine's Day, Ya'll

Every year, single women and all sorts of men proclaim their hatred for this day. It's contrived! It was conceived in a vast conspiracy of women, Hallmark, and FTD! But you know what? I've always kind of liked V-Day, despite natural law's decree that as a male, even a single one, I ought to hate it. Why do I like it?

I think because it holds promise. It reminds us that true love, romantic and steadfast, exists in the world. It gives us hope. And it celebrates the first recorded gift God gave to man: companionship. (Oh, and it reminds us of the first commandment given, too: be fruitful and multiply).

So celebrate, even if it's only in a small way. Cherish your friends and loved ones today. If you've got a wife or a husband, show 'em some appreciation; after all, you could be all alone in this world with nary a soul to comfort you (and don't neglect that commandment, eh? You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.) And if you're still pissed about the day, don't blame St. Valentine, blame Chaucer.


















And check out these fantastic V-Day photographs from Magnum.

Atheist's Nightmare

Poor Man's Rhapsody

Being a missionary with TIME Ministries has its benefits, such as paid world travel and afternoons off for religious holidays like May 19, 2005 (Revenge of the Sith opening day). The major downside is that missions doesn't pay enough to afford subscribing to an online music service.

No matter. Great music is out there, and it's free. Remember radio? The joy of pre-Clear Channel radio was discovering music you loved but would not have known to seek. Well, radio has upgraded to the web, and I'm not talkin' 'bout crappy ol' mono Real audio. A seldom-streamed format called aacPlus (the same format your iTunes are in) is gaining momentum in internet radio via Winamp, and it sounds superb. aacPlus is the most bandwidth-efficient stereo compression out there, but the audio comes through at CD quality or higher, even over dialup. Listen to stuff you've never heard of and old favorites you've forgotten about. Give radio another chance.

For your aural pleasure, Spoon recommends

The Current (hands-down the best radio station I have ever laid ears on)

WOXY: The Future of Rock
WOXY Vintage
Radio Skipper (great 80's music even I can enjoy)
Radio Student 100.5 from Zagreb, Croatia
SKY.FM Modern Jazz
WKSU: NPR, Classical, Other Smart Stuff


Find a plethora of stations at Tuner2.

Go to Slate for more about aacPlus streaming.